Writing a condolence message can be a thoughtful way to show your sympathy and concern for a bereaved relative or friend. In Singapore, condolence messages are usually penned in condolence books available at funeral events. It’s less common here for people to send sympathy cards alone. Due to the sensitivity of the occasion, extra care and deliberation should be taken when writing words of condolence. Here are some of the dos and don’ts to help you get the appropriate things out.
✔ Choose the right tone and language
Losing a loved one is a major, overwhelming experience and your writing should reflect this. It’s safer to go with a formal tone, rather than one that sounds too casual. So, you might want to drop the Singlish and abbreviations.
✔ Share fond memories or highlight positive qualities of the deceased
If you know the deceased personally, including a fond memory or two of them in your message may bring a brief moment of warmth and comfort to the recipient. Many bereaved people welcome stories of their loved ones and how they have positively impacted others in their lifetime.
✔ Offer assistance to the bereaved
Those who have recently lost a dear one often need some form of help and support, but may not voice it out. For example, a friend whose spouse has passed away could use a hand with the kids, or the housework. You might write something along the lines of, “I am here any time you need a babysitter.” Offering help is a practical way to show your support. Just take note to only make promises you can keep.
X Refrain from expressing religious sentiments
Unless you’re certain that the recipient shares the same religious beliefs as you, it can be intrusive when you express your religious views in the name of comforting someone in grief. It’s better to be safe than sorry and simply convey your sincere sympathy, without bringing religion into the picture.
X Avoid minimising their grief
Everyone processes grief differently and it’s never OK to tell a bereaved person that they should move on. Similarly, words like “I know how you feel” or “I’ve been through it too and it gets easier” can sound dismissive and not be of any help to the person at all. Instead, acknowledge their loss and let them know that they are in your thoughts.
Looking to send a condolence gift along with your message of comfort? Take a look at these unique ideas.